Comments on: You Are Fucking Awesome

By: Lenora Jayne

Lenora Jayne — Tue, 11 May 2010 22:17:57 +0000

You make a really valid point, and I suppose it’s ignorant of me to presume that only women go through this particular struggle. I do feel more intimately qualified to speak about it from a female perspective, because I do think that there is a difference in how each gender deals with insecurity, and I can’t make too much claim to understand how to deal with that as a male. But we are all human, and are all seeking the same state of acceptance and love.

I’m interested in your comment about race being an issue in romantic pursuits for men, do you mean in terms of approaching and meeting someone new or within a relationship? Do you feel that it’s less so for women?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we choose to approach (and interact with) possible romantic interests lately, and how we respond based on those few instant judgments.

I’ve recently had quite a few interactions recently where a guy approaches me and still chooses to aggressively attempt to pursue me, even when I plainly (and politely) state that I’m not interested, and I wonder whether these actions come from a place of arrogance or insecurity.

I could write a whole other post about that subject, though…

By: Diddy

Diddy — Tue, 11 May 2010 03:43:50 +0000

Truth be told though Lenora, this does _not_ only apply to women. The actions of a few arrogant men could make you think otherwise, but there are a lot of guys who remain in the shadows and are too afraid to accept who they are. They feel (and sometimes are) ignored by the world around them. In fact, these sort of men grow resentful of their surroundings, especially women. Often these are the sort of guys who would do anything for a woman only to be turned away or deemed inadequate. A lot of it has to do with high school, which, I know, carries its own bullshit. But the effects of those experiences plus those in college can really begin to crystallize and set some awful thoughts in motion. And ultimately, despite all their resent, it is still rooted in the simple desire to be touched and to be loved.

Furthermore, I know plenty of men who want/need the same kind of validation that you describe. It is far more common than you think. Men have to deal with the same external pressures that women do, but we have a tendency to internalize our problems rather than express it. And that’s when it begins to fester.

Sometimes these problems even cross racial lines. To diverge a little bit, sometimes being a brown kid in America is tough, and its even harder for people from East/Southeast Asia. Its easy to make jokes, but I’ve had countless discussions where race has been a serious issue in romantic pursuits (for men).

But you are right and your solutions are 100% transferable across gender lines. You have to appreciate who you are and the only way for that to happen is to surround yourself by people who really love you. Start a hobby, push your boundaries, take yourself out of your comfort zone and experience things you never have before because that’s the only way you’ll grow and meet new people. Your friends are your support network but they are also the gateway to you loving yourself. Appreciate your independence and always try something new. Try to creatively express yourself. And honestly, exercise in some way or form. Not even for the sake of getting healthy. Just do it. Join a kickball league, join a gym, do yoga. It feels great (over time) and heightens your self-awareness.

By: Lenora Jayne

Lenora Jayne — Tue, 11 May 2010 00:58:51 +0000

Oh! You flatter me too much. I just want to make my experiences and things I’ve learned useful for someone else.

By: Najva Sol

Najva Sol — Mon, 10 May 2010 22:25:41 +0000

um, hi, you are SO fucking awesome.